


fireflies after dark, bless your soul, we are here and now, here and now

by endofdaysforme



Category: Glee, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, I just wanted to write something cute, and this was a request so I hope you like it, tw: brief mentions of abuse, tw: slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endofdaysforme/pseuds/endofdaysforme
Summary: she does miss her though, because the words she spoke on her wedding day two years ago still hold strong:she really can’t go more than an hour without seeing brittany because she misses her too much, and it’s been eight hours now since she saw her last.she finds herself pouting subconsciously, a hand cupping the back of her neck as she leans back further into the leather couch beneath her body and a heavy sigh escaping her before the sound of footsteps quickly pounding up the stairs outside their apartment echoes out. her head snaps up, a smile lighting up her face as she hears the lock turn before the door is being pushed open with a loud, metallic creak.“there you are, was just wondering where you were-.”santana stops short at the sight before her, her laptop practically falling off her lap as she springs to her feet almost immediately.--aka, brittany s. pierce and santana lopez are the parents of one miss antoinette topaz, and help her through the trials and tribulations of life.--aka, we're grieving, and I wanted to write something special about the four most amazing characters to grace the lgbtqia+ silver screen.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 16
Kudos: 150





	fireflies after dark, bless your soul, we are here and now, here and now

**Author's Note:**

> someone made this request, and the idea wouldn't leave my mind. I have a lot more to say about everything, but I'll leave those words for the Santana fic I'm currently writing, because I honestly don't think I'm quite ready to say them. In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoy this for what it is: something cute in an incredibly dark time for all of us. 
> 
> we miss you. we love you.
> 
> twitter: @endofdaysforme

it’s a given that dating brittany s. pierce comes with a lot of surprises. santana lopez has known that from the second she fell in love with her all the way back in sophomore year of high school, because brittany is the kind of girl who says outrageous things that have you scratching your head with puzzlement before you witness the smile on her face and instantly melt into a puddle of happiness at the sight of it, all confusion erased and your mind on just how those bright blue eyes of hers _shine_ when she’s happy, too.

santana’s had her fair share of surprises come her way since she and brittany became official back in their junior year, and those surprises didn’t stop coming even when she went off to college in kentucky and brittany had to stay behind in ohio to repeat her senior year, resulting in their breakup. brittany has this insane ability to make you laugh and question what the hell she’s saying, like when she used to confuse unique adams for mercedes jones, a girl they spent almost their entire high school years with, or even now, when she still insists on talking to lord tubbington, her overweight and incredibly lazy cat, as if he’s the most intelligent creature in the room. but she also has this incredible ability to give you just the advice that you’re looking for, like when she had convinced santana that new york was where she was meant to be, or when she had convinced her that being the understudy to rachel berry in _funny girl_ wasn’t really what she wanted after all.

brittany is just… _always_ surprising her. they’ve been together for almost eight years now, married for two of those years, and after almost a decade together, you would think santana lopez would know the ins and outs of brittany s. pierce better than she knows her own heartbeat.

and yet…

it happens early in february, with snow falling heavy in the city of new york and santana curled up on the couch in their apartment with a blanket thrown over her body and her glasses sitting perched on the bridge of her nose, staring down at her computer screen with her tongue between her teeth and a frown of concentration marring her perfectly shaped brows. she’s going over the videos of the choreography of the dancers for a show on broadway, trying her best to think which moves fit where and how it can all seamlessly piece together, but she knows she needs her wife’s help. brittany’s late, but santana doesn’t mind it so much, especially when she knows brittany likes staying behind at the dance class she teaches at nyada for young kids to help the ones who are struggling a little more than the others. she does miss her though, because the words she spoke on her wedding day two years ago still hold strong:

she really can’t go more than an hour without seeing brittany because she misses her too much, and it’s been eight hours now since she saw her last.

she finds herself pouting subconsciously, a hand cupping the back of her neck as she leans back further into the leather couch beneath her body and a heavy sigh escaping her before the sound of footsteps quickly pounding up the stairs outside their apartment echoes out. her head snaps up, a smile lighting up her face as she hears the lock turn before the door is being pushed open with a loud, metallic creak.

“there you are, was just wondering where you were-.”

santana stops short at the sight before her, her laptop practically falling off her lap as she springs to her feet almost immediately.

brittany’s face is filled with panic, but she doesn’t look injured or harmed in any way, and santana’s eyes instead fall down to the way brittany’s coat is bundled up in her arms awkwardly, almost as if something’s inside it-

“santana, hurry! run a bath, a hot one, she’s freezing!” brittany’s voice is trembling, and it’s all santana can focus on as she stands there frozen in shock before it finally registers to her what the other sound she’s hearing is.

it’s not ringing in her ears.

it’s crying. loud, sharp wails that sound an awful lot like…

“is…britt, is that a b-.”

“santana, i love you, but please, go run a hot bath!” brittany says in that tone that tells santana she needs to kick her ass into gear, not quite a yell of anger, but a sharpness and a resolution to her voice that has her rushing straight into the bathroom across the kitchen. the crying gets louder, and santana winces as she turns the hot water tap on blast and shoves the plug into the drain to stop the water from falling down it. it takes a couple seconds for the water to heat up, and once it’s at a certain height, she blasts the cold water as well to make sure the water isn’t boiling enough to scald skin.

“britt, it’s ready!” she’s calling out less than a minute later hoarsely, and brittany runs into the bathroom and slowly begins to peel back the layers of her coat to reveal the smallest little baby santana’s ever seen in her entire life. she’s screaming and crying, all flailing limbs and tears and her body looks almost blue despite her naturally dark skin as brittany kneels down beside santana and slowly begins to lower the little baby into the water.

“it’s not too hot?” santana asks quickly with worry, and brittany simply shakes her head as her hands are submerged while she holds the baby’s head above water, just making sure the body is submerged. “britt, we need to get her to a hospital, we have no idea what we’re doing here-.” santana starts, but brittany’s immediately nodding with agreement.

“i know, san, i know, but i found her…” brittany trails off, and santana looks at her wife with an aching heart that clenches and grips, because she hasn’t seen brittany this distraught since their breakup that day in the choir room, and she hates it.

she _hates_ seeing brittany upset like this.

“i found her in the dumpster outside our apartment building.” brittany whispers. santana’s eyes widen in shock, her fist clenching almost despite herself in anger, but not even at the situation brittany’s explaining.

it’s anger at herself.

“i…i’ve been here all day, i haven’t heard a thing outside except for a few cop cars and yelling, the usual shit, i-.”

“the lid was closed, i didn’t even hear it, santana, i was looking for lord tubbington’s glasses, you know he likes hiding them in the dumpster sometimes, and i just…i found her.” brittany looks down at the little baby in her arms with a small smile as her loud wailing turns into soft gurgles, and santana brushes off the explanation and looks down at the baby to see the blue tinge is slowly beginning to disappear from her skin now…she’s getting warmer.

still…

“okay, once we get her warmed up, we get her to a hospital, okay? they need to do checks, make sure she doesn’t have hypothermia or something, maybe they can find her mother-.”

“santana, she was left in a dumpster, i know quinn joked about doing it in high school, but she never went through with it with beth because she knew it was wrong, really really wrong! whoever her mother is…” brittany trails off, teeth gnawing on her bottom lip as she runs her palm over the baby’s chest soothingly with this look in her eyes that tells santana she’s in trouble.

“britt, we can’t just-.”

“i know, san, i know we can’t, but…she can’t go back to her mother, either.” brittany says it firmly, and with one look up into santana’s eyes, santana knows the conversation is over.

because brittany s. pierce is always… _always_ surprising her.

“okay…okay, babe, let’s just focus on getting her to the hospital for now, come on.”

—

santana can feel the tension in brittany’s shoulders and knows immediately she’s not asleep despite it being one in the morning.

her grip around her wife’s waist tightens, nose burying into blonde locks of hair to inhale the sweet smell of vanilla shampoo, and brittany sighs and simply turns over in their bed to look at santana, who swears she can see the bright blue of her eyes boring into her own despite the darkness of night surrounding them.

“we just left her there, san.” brittany whispers, voice trembling slightly and giving away the tears that fall down the sides of her face and into her hair. santana finds herself sighing as she snuggles in closer to brittany and presses a kiss to her temple tenderly.

“we’ll go back and see her in the morning, britt-britt. we’re no good to her tired and grumpy. besides, the doctors still have a few more tests to run.” santana croaks out with fatigue, and brittany hums in agreement, fingers trailing up and down the arm of santana’s around her waist while the other plays with the baby hairs at the back of santana’s neck. santana knows she’s deep in thought. even though she can’t see her face too clearly in the darkness, she can almost _feel_ the way brittany’s brow is furrowed and her lips are pouting.

santana can feel herself drifting off again with her face practically buried in brittany’s neck before once again, brittany completely blindsides her.

“what if we adopted her?”

santana’s heart falls. she shifts awkwardly before she’s pushing herself up to look at brittany apprehensively.

she had a feeling it would come to this, but that doesn’t mean she’s at all prepared for the idea of it. santana lopez: a mother?

god, even the thought of it feels foreign in her brain.

“brittany…we haven’t even really spoken about this-.”

“haven’t we? santana, we’ve known we were gonna be together since we were like ten, and we always spoke about the big white wedding and the picket fence and the babies we were gonna have-.”

“babe, we were ten! we didn’t know how much responsibility looking after a baby is!” santana says with a breathless laugh of disbelief, one that has brittany sighing before she suddenly lifts a hand to brush her thumb over the apple of santana’s cheekbone.

“i want it all with you, santana. you know that, i’ve wanted that life for us from the second i fell in love with you. and maybe our wedding wasn’t big and white and we shared it with two gay guys, but it was ours and we spent it together, so it was magical. why can’t this be magical, too?” brittany says it so sincerely, and despite how many times santana’s heard it, her heart never fails to melt at the affirmation of it all.

brittany is hers and she is brittany’s and nothing else matters but them.

“britt…we’re so young, barely even in our mid twenties yet, our careers are taking off, i’m choreographing and making music on broadway for new productions, your classes are gaining traction at nyada, we’re actually _getting_ somewhere, do we really wanna derail all that progress with a child? it’s not something we can just do whenever we want, being a parent is a full time job.” santana says hoarsely, sighing when brittany hums in agreement and leans up to press a kiss to her jaw.

“who said it’d derail anything? what if it lifts us up instead, makes us stronger?” she whispers against santana’s skin, pulling back to look at her with those damn pouty lips that have santana biting on her own with anxiety.

that’s the thing about brittany, god, as much as santana loves her, the pure optimism she has sometimes…

“god, i…i don’t know, brittany, this is such a huge decision to make…we’re talking about starting a family, you realize that?” santana whispers.

brittany’s responding smile is fucking _life-changing._

“yeah, i do. and every time i think about it, my heart feels like it’s gonna explode with happiness and rainbows. it makes me wanna believe in leprechauns and santa clause again, because those are the happiest things in the world to believe in, other than you, of course.” brittany says simply, her fingers suddenly moving to the hem of santana’s shirt to press against the hot skin of her stomach as santana blinks back tears at the words that escape her.

brittany s. pierce will always be the most romantic person when it comes to words. she manages to convey everything santana’s thinking without a single misstep. where santana’s good at insults, practically barraging them out against someone without taking a breath, brittany is the opposite. she’ll shower you with compliments with flushed cheeks and _god,_ _that smile…_

“there is _no one_ else i would rather start a family with than you, santana lopez.” brittany says it firmly, resolutely, nothing but genuine truth in her tone, and santana can’t help but lean down to press a kiss to her lips softly.

“there’s no one else i would rather start a family with than _you,_ brittany s. pierce.” she whispers against them, and brittany hums before she’s cupping santana’s face in her hands and pushing her away from her lips with a raised eyebrow.

“so what’s stopping us?” she asks. santana sighs and kisses her palm with a sad smile.

“britt, we have to think about work, and what do we do if we’re both working-.”

“there’s a thing called daycare, santana. and kurt and blaine and rachel and even quinn all live nearby, i’m sure they wouldn’t mind babysitting when they can.”

she offers it up so simply, always the problem solver-

“please, if berry gets near our kid, she’ll be singing showtunes and belting out _‘defying gravity’_ from age one, i’m not doing that to my child.” santana grunts out, causing brittany to laugh before she pecks a kiss to santana’s cheek.

“we found her, san. that has to mean something, right? i mean, i know now babies don’t get delivered via storks-.” santana laughs at that, “but…us finding her has to be sign that she’s ours, doesn’t it?”

santana hesitates, but fuck, brittany’s energy is so damn contagious, she finds herself smiling despite the fear coursing through her veins.

“can we go see her tomorrow and maybe…maybe talk to our parents and our friends about this? let them help us make this choice? i’m just a little lost when it comes to kids, britt-britt, and i don’t wanna screw this kid’s life up because i don’t know what i’m doing-.”

“honey…” brittany’s voice is so soft, and she’s suddenly sitting up as if santana’s words have hurt her in such a deep way she can’t bear lying down anymore, the hands gripping her face tightening their hold slightly before she’s pressing these gentle kisses over santana’s face, mapping out every feature beneath her lips. “i don’t know all that much about being a parent either, but…i think as long as we love her and we promise to be there for her no matter what happens, and we provide for her and help her learn how to navigate this crazy, scary journey we call life, then there’s no way we can screw it up. we’ll help each other, and we’ll help her, and we’ll love her, because that’s what family does, right? i mean, that’s why we’re still friends with everyone from the glee club, because we promised each other we’d always be there for each other and we are.” brittany says with a smile, and it all seems to just click in santana’s mind.

suddenly, she can see it all. she can see her and brittany with their child, going for walks in the park and giving her baths, quinn chasing her around with a laugh and rachel probably giving her a signed autograph of herself every year for her birthday…

“we’re really doing this, huh?” santana whispers.

and of course, because she’s just one endless surprise after another…

“i mean only if you want to, it’s not like we didn’t spend the last ten minutes discussing it-.”

santana silences her with a grin and a deep kiss that leaves brittany’s mind spinning and her heart racing.

—

“a _baby?_ ”

santana rolls her eyes at kurt’s high pitched squeal and scoffs when blaine cheers and quickly covers his hands with his mouth as tears well in his eyes. brittany’s hand is warm in her own, and her smile is contagious as she nods and looks between their anniversary sharing best friends with pride.

“i mean, she landed in our lap, it has to be fate, right?” brittany asks, and santana has to hold back her roar of laughter when blaine begins nodding furiously while kurt’s eyes just continue to widen like he’s a deer caught in headlights.

“oh, brittany, of _course_ that’s a sign, i think it would be amazing for you two to become parents! it’s just the next step in a lifelong journey, and giving that kid a life filled with happiness is exactly the kind of thing i would expect you to do.” blaine says softly, looking to kurt with a smile as his husband clears his throat and shakes his head.

“i mean…god, the idea of any of us becoming parents is insane to me, but…wow, santana lopez, a mother?” he says, looking to the woman in question with a disbelieving grin as santana glares at him and lets go of brittany’s hand to cross her arms over her chest.

“yeah well, i can be maternal when i wanna be!” she says stiffly, huffing when kurt lets out a loud laugh like she's just told a joke and blaine scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

“i mean, i’m sure you can be, santana, it’s not a side of you we’ve ever witnessed, but i have no doubts!” blaine says happily, all optimism and rainbows and fucking butterflies, and santana’s about to bite back with a scathing insult about his annoying ass bowties that he _still_ wears like they're still in high school when the door to their apartment slides open and rachel berry walks through looking flustered and letting out an exasperated and loud sigh with none other than quinn fabray following behind her with a look of amusement.

“remind me again why i came back to new york?!” rachel screeches, taking off her coat which santana can now see is dripping wet and covered in sludge.

“because your career fell apart when you decided to do a lame ass tv show about yourself that got canned after one episode and you resorted to coaching your high school glee club which was _definitely_ rock bottom for you, and you somehow got lucky enough to get a second chance at broadway which i will narrow down to being purely because you’re talented and not because of your sunny personality, because _that_ would be the biggest lie ever told in show business history.” santana snipes easily with one breath, grinning when rachel glares at her and gives her a tight smile while quinn very visibly holds back laughter behind her.

“hello to you too, santana! always nice to hear your insults after an already rough day!” she squawks, running with her coat towards the sink in the kitchen as santana shrugs.

“hey, just keeping it real since ’94.”

“what happened? that coat is balenciaga!” kurt cries, jumping up and running after her as rachel sighs and shoves the coat under the running water while quinn makes her way over to her two best friends and members of the unholy trinity to give them a hug.

“some lunatic of a cab driver turned the corner and hit a pocket of melting snow! is it so much to ask that people be more careful driving when there’s literal ice melting on the roads!?” she cries, scrubbing at the dirt on her coat while santana rolls her eyes and looks at brittany in exasperation and quinn takes a seat beside brittany on the couch.

“who’s bologna and why is she so upset about his jacket being ruined?” brittany asks in confusion. santana’s heart melts at it and she can’t help but chuckle as quinn grips brittany’s hand with a grin.

“balenciaga, britt, it’s designer.” she says simply.

“what are you two doing here, anyway? not that it’s not good to see you…when you’re not throwing insults.” rachel says somewhat genuinely with a smile, and kurt raises an eyebrow in amusement and looks at them both as santana shifts awkwardly and looks to brittany before taking her hand.

“uh, well…brittany actually found a dumpster baby outside our apartment the other day and-.”

“oh god! _what?!_ that’s insane and just downright horrifying, oh my god! is it okay?!” rachel squeals, abandoning her coat and rushing towards them with wide eyes as brittany purses her lips and begins playing with santana’s fingers absentmindedly while quinn leans forward with nothing but seriousness written all over her face.

“we took her to the hospital, and the doctors have been running tests and working with the police to find her mother, but they haven’t found anything yet. they don’t think they’re going to. so…” brittany trails off and looks up at santana, who exhales shakily and looks to quinn more than rachel as she says it.

“brittany and i are thinking of adopting her.” she says resolutely.

rachel lets out a squeal of surprise that quickly turns into her shouting in excitement, but all santana can focus on is the way quinn’s eyes widen before she’s swallowing thickly and looking off into the distance, clearly deep in thought.

“oh my god! _oh my god!_ oh, brittany, santana, this is _wonderful_ news! guys! the first glee club baby!” rachel is practically about to wet herself with excitement, and kurt rolls his eyes.

“is she forgetting about beth?” he mumbles low enough that no one else but blaine hears, and santana finds herself grinning despite herself as rachel pounces on her with a hug, pinning her to the back of the couch before she’s wrapping her other arm around brittany and doing the same to her.

“well, guess it’s safe to say rachel approves!” blaine says with a laugh as rachel pulls back and claps her hands excitedly while still seated firmly in santana’s lap.

“of course i approve! i can’t wait to teach her how to sing-oh! maybe i can teach her ' _defying-._ ”

“i will not hesitate to rip those extensions out of your head, rachel berry!” santana barks, pointing a threatening finger at her before she’s pushing her thighs up roughly to get rachel off her lap while the broadway star pouts at her.

“oh come on, santana! you know you’d love to-.”

“are you sure you’re ready for this?”

quinn’s voice is quiet, but it breaks through rachel’s squawking, the girl clamping her mouth shut and looking at quinn nervously as brittany and santana turn to their best friend with looks of nothing but determination.

“we’re sure.” santana says firmly, gripping brittany’s hand once more as quinn looks between the both of them with tears shining in her eyes.

“you know what this means, right? you can’t just give up, you can’t just decide you don’t want to be her parents anymore, she’s gonna need you, and you’re gonna need her-.”

“q…” brittany grips quinn’s hand with her free one, squeezing it tightly as the former cheerios captain exhales shakily and closes her eyes, a single tear escaping before she’s looking up at brittany and santana with the softest expression santana’s ever seen grace her beautiful features in the almost fifteen years she’s known her.

“why would her mother give her up? why would she…” quinn trails off, and santana’s heart breaks as brittany reaches out and brushes a lock of hair behind quinn’s ear tenderly.

“maybe for the same reasons you did all those years ago, quinn. who are we to judge?” brittany doesn’t say it in a mean way, more in an understanding way, a way that has quinn swallowing down more tears as she nods slowly and looks to the both of them sadly.

“if her mother comes back…” quinn croaks out, but santana nods immediately to interrupt her.

“we’ll give her a chance to explain, and we’ll give her a chance to know her. but she’s a baby, quinn. and she needs parents _right now_ , and we’re ready to be that for her. to provide for her and love her like she’s ours.” she says resolutely. quinn nods once, and she’s staring at the both of them for the longest time before she stands and tugs on brittany’s hand to get her to stand as well until all three of them are holding hands and looking at each other with soft smiles.

“you’ll bring her around to aunty quinn’s for a visit, right?” quinn asks almost apprehensively. santana just laughs.

“are you kidding me? you’re babysitting whenever we have work, now come here.” she’s pulling quinn into a bone crushing hug before she can protest, brittany wrapping the both of them up in her long arms, and quinn’s face is buried in santana’s neck as rachel lets out another squeal and eventually joins in the hug, yelling at kurt and blaine to join, too. santana groans at all the pressure coming at her from all sides, but finds herself pressing a kiss to brittany’s hair over quinn who’s sandwiched between them, and she can just make out what quinn whispers just beneath her ear over the sound of brittany’s gentle humming.

“you’re gonna make a great mother, santana lopez.”

—

they name her antoinette lopez-pierce, because for some strange reason, brittany thinks ‘antoinette’ is regal enough for her to be the princess to lord and lady tubbington and santana’s half convinced brittany’s about to put the names of the goddamn cats as the adoptive parents on their baby’s papers, but when brittany writes her own name down with her right hand gripping the pen tightly and her left clutching santana’s right hand while her wife writes her own name down with her left, it becomes final.

antoinette lopez-pierce is now their daughter.

santana’s still trying to wrap her mind around it, but it’s like brittany slips into the role of being a mother with absolute ease.

the first day they bring her home, almost four weeks after finding her (the goddamn semantics of paperwork and adoption bullshit), santana walks into their apartment and just feels something _shift._

because even though they’ve spent the last month reading every parenting book they could get their hands on, even though they’ve spent the last month baby proofing the apartment and turning the spare room into a nursery and buying diapers and milk bottles and formula and pacifiers and car seats and baby harnesses and god, who even knows what else, santana just feels so _unprepared._

“is she okay, does she need anything-.” santana fusses, dropping her bag on the couch and rushing over to brittany as she closes the door shut behind her with a giggle and nothing but amusement in her eyes.

“san, she’s sleeping, she’s okay.”

“is she cold? it’s still cold outside despite the snow fading-.”

“santana.” brown eyes lock onto blue, that look of amusement only growing as brittany holds little baby antoinette out from her chest, motioning for santana to take her, and the brown haired woman hesitates before she lets out a shaky breath and holds her arms out, taking antoinette into her arms and being careful not to jostle her to consciousness.

she stares down at her little face, how peaceful it is in her sleep and everything just seems to _stop._

she has this small, delicate little thing in her arms that’s just fast asleep, no cares, no troubles in her world, and santana suddenly finds herself determined to keep it that way for as long as she lives. to love this little girl with absolutely everything in her, to provide for her and to care for her and to make sure her life on this earth is a fucking good one.

it’s this tether, this pull and this _shift_ that has her smiling up at brittany with tears in her eyes and a gasp escaping her chest at the feeling of it all, and brittany hums before she’s pressing a kiss right between santana’s eyes tenderly, fingers cupping the back of her neck affectionately.

“there’s your moment of clarity, honey. now don’t lose it.”

—

it’s tough.

santana always knew it would be, because babies are tough to handle and manage and it’s hard to know what they want when they don’t speak and all they do is cry and poop their pants all day, but she thought her maternal instincts would kick in and everything would be okay.

she should’ve known it would never be that easy.

even brittany struggles, especially when they’re woken up in the middle of the night to antoinette’s soft crying that turns almost volatile as soon as santana and brittany scurry out of their bed to tend to her. it’s clear antoinette craves attention from them twenty four seven, and santana finds it taxing, she can’t help it.

but she doesn’t find herself getting angry, or upset, like she usually would at something irritating her, she just finds herself feeling guilty. feeling guilty that she can’t provide everything for antoinette, that she can’t give her the attention she so craves all the time. and sure, brittany picks up the slack and they manage to work out a system that leaves antoinette with everything they can give her, but when she hears antoinette crying and hears brittany gently cooing at her in an attempt to soothe her, she finds herself more often than not abandoning her laptop and her work to help her wife calm their daughter.

“santana, i’ve got her, it’s okay-.” brittany will always tell her, and santana will simply kiss her lips with a smile before pressing one to antoinette’s brow tenderly.

being a parent is a full time job. and santana knows her work is being affected, but she can’t bring herself to stop tending to antoinette whenever possible. she hasn’t been able to concentrate on anything, her mind always on if her daughter is okay on the days she and brittany are both working and she spends it with quinn or kurt and blaine or rachel or (whenever she’s in town) mercedes jones. it’s like she’s trying so hard to form this bond with her daughter, trying her best to love her, that she isn’t even aware she’s fallen completely until she’s sitting in the rocking chair in their room one night with antoinette bundled in her arms, singing softly to her when antoinette curls her little fist around one of santana’s fingers.

tears well in her eyes, and she finds herself blinking them away as she looks up at brittany still fast asleep in their bed, eyes fluttering behind her eyelids deep in her dream state, unaware of santana’s moment of clarity that this small child bundled in her arms is _theirs._

_their daughter._

this overwhelming feeling of wanting to give this child absolutely all of her overwhelms her, and she finds herself lifting antoinette to her face to press gentle kisses to her hairline, her tears falling before she can stop them as antoinette gurgles and clutches her face in her fingers.

“i’ll love you forever, sweet girl. as long as forever can exist.”

it’s in that moment that santana makes a decision. that raising antoinette around show productions might not be such a bad idea. it’ll give her creativity, and it’ll ensure more time spent with her little girl.

when she starts bringing her daughter to the theatre, despite quinn's protests, she’s only met with a few disapproving looks from her fellow peers, but she puts on her best bitchy attitude and snaps at who she needs to snap at, and it isn’t long before everyone else begins to fall in line and realize that what santana lopez wants, she gets.

and antoinette’s bright little smile and laugh when she sees everyone on stage performing the choreography perfectly to a dance number that santana set up in an approving way is exactly what she wants.

—

antoinette’s first word is ‘san’.

they aren’t even expecting it, especially after all the stories of babies and their first words being ‘mama’, but when santana hears that little word escape her mouth at eleven months of age, she finds herself gasping and looking up at brittany in complete shock.

it comes out of nowhere, in a moment when brittany is holding antoinette in her arms, cradled against her hip while she dances around the living room and talks to santana about the lunch date they have set with quinn later on in the afternoon to appease her most dedicated aunt. 

“i know quinn loves spending time with antoinette, like _a lot,_ but san, we can only organize so many lunch dates a week-.”

“san!”

they both stare at each other with wide eyes, paused and frozen stock still in the living room before their eyes drop to antoinette, who begins slapping her palm against brittany’s face with a cry at the fact that she’s stopped dancing.

“i…santana, she-.”

“san!” antoinette cries out again, slapping her palm harder against brittany’s cheek until a pale hand is curling around her wrist to stop her and brittany’s letting out the most beautiful laugh as she sniffs back tears and looks at santana proudly.

“her first word! her first word, san!” brittany cries, cuddling antoinette close as her loud peals of laughter echo around the room. santana is still sitting there, frozen in shock as brittany giggles and looks down at their daughter happily.

“can you say it again, sweetie?! ‘san’, say ‘san’ again-.”

“SAN!” antoinette screams, giggling when brittany cheers and presses kisses to her cheeks and nose and hairline. santana jumps up and throws her laptop beside her before she’s simply just enveloping the both of them in her arms, kissing brittany’s lips and her cheeks and her nose before turning her face to kiss antoinette’s hair over and over again-

“san, be careful, mercedes just did her hair yesterday-.”

“she t-taught us h-how to fix it, let me h-have th-this-.”

“SAN!” antoinette shouts again, and santana’s a blubbering mess as she takes antoinette from brittany’s arms and cuddles her close, and god, she’s not even sure why this is affecting her so much, but the idea of antoinette’s first word being her name…

“i love you, i love you both s-so much-.” santana cries between tears, and brittany’s kissing her and holding antoinette close as the three of them simply relish in this moment together.

her first milestone.

—

“santana! we’ve got a runner!”

brittany’s exasperated voice echoes out from the bathroom and has santana sighing as she hears the tiny pounding footsteps and the giggle of their five year old daughter who passes their bedroom in her fit of rebellious rage, and santana slips her glasses off and shuts her laptop before she’s dashing for the door with a grin and throwing the door open, letting out an cackle of evil laughter when her daughter freezes at the sight of her and screams before running away from her butt ass naked down the hallway. santana takes three strides, scoops her hands under her daughter’s armpits and lifts her, laughing as she squirms and squeals in protest.

“no bafftime, i hate bafftime!” antoinette cries as she flails in her mother’s arms.

“yeah, but ya stink! if we don’t wash the stink off you, me and momma can’t cuddle you to sleep so what happens then?” santana pants out amidst her attempts to keep her daughter still in her arms as she marches her back towards the bathroom.

“i block your nose like this!” antoinette yells angrily, suddenly pinching santana’s nose closed and causing her to choke on a laugh as she uses one arm to knock her daughter’s hand away and wraps it around her chest to keep her arms pinned.

“you trynna wrestle, lil one? remember who ended up winning that candy bar last time!” santana says in her low, gravelly ‘best impression of hollywood hulk hogan’ voice, and antoinette legitimately kicks a foot out against the ledge of the door to stop santana from leading her in there.

“not fair fight!” she squeals.

“what?! it’s always a fair fight!” santana bites back, tickling her stomach with her free hand and laughing when antoinette’s foot collapses with another scream.

“you stink, not me!” antoinette cries, huffing when brittany stands up to take her from santana’s arms and place her into the bathtub with a grin on her face.

“i’m not the one who had a full day of school and then dance class with momma afterwards.” santana teases with a poke of her tongue as she sits down on the edge of the tub to make sure their daughter doesn’t go hopping out of it again.

“whole room stinky, not just me!” antoinette cries out, flinching when brittany reaches for the shower head and soap.

“i bet it’s that kid with the long arms and the weird teeth, seriously, every time she comes in it’s like the room turns into the men’s gym at mckinley after a football game, that place was _ripe-._ ”

“san, don’t be mean.” brittany says with exasperation, reaching for the tap and turning it, and santana sees antoinette whimper before she rushes to santana’s side and clutches her arm, hiding her face into her shirt as soon as she sees the stream of water. santana frowns and looks up at brittany with concern, and brittany herself wears a look of confusion as santana grips their daughter’s elbow and gently tugs her back so they’re looking at each other.

“okay, come on, munchkin, what’s going on? the last two weeks it’s like you can’t stand being bathed, you used to love bath time!” santana asks, brushing her daughter’s hair back from her face as she looks at brittany with tears in her eyes.

“it’s hot.” she says with a trembling bottom lip, and brittany’s eyes widen before she pushes a hand underneath the stream of water coming from the shower head with a frown.

“it doesn’t feel too hot to me…san?” brittany asks, and santana leans in to place a hand under the water. it’s a little hot, sure, but santana finds it comforting. but of course, to a child, everything’s so much more heightened. she simply shrugs at brittany, whose frown deepens as she looks at their daughter. “why didn’t you tell us you felt like it was too hot for you, bubba? we wouldn’t have gotten mad, we would’ve just put more cold water.”

“don’t wanna be baby.” antoinette mumbles, her eyes falling down to her feet as santana cocks an eyebrow.

“and who told you you’re being a ‘baby’?” she asks, putting air quotations for the word. antoinette sniffles and looks up at her with sad eyes.

“i hurt my toe at dance class and i was crying and cindy called me a baby. said to shut up.” she whispers. santana’s nostrils flare and brittany’s hand immediately flies out to grip her hand to calm her.

“okay, well, i’ll be having a word with cindy, because that’s bullying, and i won’t accept that in my class, and if anyone ever says something like that to you again, we want you to tell us, okay, sweetie?” brittany says firmly, squeezing santana’s hand before she lets her go to lean in and press a kiss to their daughter’s brow. antoinette sighs, but nods and brittany turns the cold water on a little more until it's at a satisfactory temperature, and bath time after that is a breeze. 

it’s later, when antoinette is tucked in bed and sleeping soundly after santana’s sung her the _goodnight_ song with lord and lady tubbington curled up in her bed with her and snuggled close to her chest that she slips into the living room and sits down beside brittany, ready to lash out and ask for details on who this cindy girl is when once more, brittany s. fucking pierce surprises her with a kiss that’s so damn soft and tender, santana finds all her anger dissipating at the feeling of it.

“i know. i’ll talk to cindy and her mother. let me handle this, santana, it happened in my class under my watch.” she murmurs, and it’s then that santana realizes and sees the look of utter devastation in brittany’s eyes, and she just _knows_ what the love of her life is thinking.

“britt…you didn’t fail her, okay? kids are mean, they always have been and always will be. as much as we wanna protect her, we can’t do it all the time.” she whispers, reaching out to run her fingers through brittany’s hair.

“i know…i just didn’t even see the signs, and cindy’s always so nice-.”

“yeah, bitches always act nice in front of authority, it’s how they keep themselves innocent.” santana grumbles, sinking into the couch as brittany smiles slyly at her.

“i’m pretty sure you told mr. schue once that he needed to go to a twelve step program because he’s addicted to vests.”

“okay one, to this day i stand by that statement, and two, did you just very backhandedly call me a bitch, mrs. lopez-pierce?” santana says in mock offense, prompting brittany to press a kiss to her cheek before she’s leaning into santana with a cuddle.

“oh please, you wear that badge proudly.”

—

as it turns out, despite not being blood related, antoinette somehow inherits brittany’s gigantic intelligence and brain, because she gets straight a’s without even trying and breezes through her homework like it’s nothing as the years go by and she starts school.

santana and brittany find themselves barely needing to help her, with antoinette just asking them to check over her work to make sure it’s good every night with brittany giving her her own personal gold star that has rachel berry grinning and clapping her hands every time she sees it when she comes over for a visit to see her favorite niece. 

"a gold star for a gold student!" she always squeals, and every time antoinette grins and claps her hands excitedly with her, santana finds herself burying her face into her hands with a groan.

if you had told her ten years ago that rachel fucking berry would be one of her closest friends and she'd be one of her daughters favorite aunt's...

of course, quinn and mercedes are also a major part in antoinette's life, quinn always popping in for a visit almost five times a week and mercedes always showing up at their doorstep first whenever she's in town from touring the goddamn world, and when kurt and blaine eventually have their own child when antoinette is seven, she treats their child like he's her goddamn brother. she's the perfect child, a perfect mix of brittany and santana that has them both so proud, they can't believe she's theirs. 

by the age of twelve, antoinette’s a little genius, and her teachers are approaching santana and brittany about the possibility of sending her off to some elite boarding school a couple of hours away from new york in a town called riverdale.

santana immediately hates the idea, because sending antoinette off to school so far away from them gives her so much anxiety, she finds herself losing sleep over it. what if something happens to her and santana and brittany can’t get to her? what if she needs them one night to cuddle her to sleep and they’re not there to do so? all these what ifs, and she knows brittany shares her concerns when, three nights after they’re told about this prestigious boarding school in a remote town hours away, brittany rolls over to face her at two in the morning with nothing but concern etched on her face.

“i can’t sleep.”

“neither can i. britt, this is a massive decision, this can affect antoinette’s entire future-.”

“i know. i know, but she’s so smart, san, we can’t deny her the opportunity to go to a school where her intelligence is appreciated.” brittany croaks out, running a hand up and down santana’s arm before intertwining their fingers and squeezing gently.

“and i get that, and i agree, but brittany, this school is two and a half hours away from here, what if something happens and we can’t get to her in time?” santana says anxiously, chewing on the inside of her cheek just at the mere thought of it. brittany sighs and gives her a soft smile before pressing a kiss to her nose.

“i think…this is something we have to discuss with her. this isn’t a decision we should make for her, this affects her, and i know she’s only twelve and barely knows what being an adult is, but…it’s a big choice. and she should be involved.” brittany concludes. santana nods in agreement, and they smile at each other for a second longer before, to their surprise, there’s a soft knock at their door.

“momma? mami?” the door opens slowly, and the both of them look up to see antoinette poking her head through the door, looking at them with wide eyes that are filled with nervousness as she plays with the sleeves of her shirt and looks down at her feet.

“i had a bad dream…can i come sleep in here?” she mumbles so softly, santana barely hears her.

“of course, sweetie. come here.” brittany says hoarsely without hesitation, pulling back the blankets and holding her arms out as antoinette shuffles over to them and immediately climbs into brittany’s arms. brittany sandwiches antoinette between them both, santana’s arms wrapping around her two favorite people in the whole world as antoinette sighs loudly and cuddles into brittany’s chest.

“what did you dream about, honey?” santana asks softly, pressing a kiss to the back of antoinette’s head and looking up at brittany with concern.

“nothing, just…about leaving. i don’t know if i want to go to that school, it’s so far away from you and momma.” antoinette whispers, looking back at santana anxiously as she chews on her pouty bottom lip. santana smiles sadly and smoothes a palm over antoinette’s hair tenderly.

“we were just talking about that too, baby. we don’t like the idea of you being so far away from us, either. but…is that the only reason you don’t wanna go?” santana asks, cuddling antoinette closer with a racing heart as her daughter whimpers before she nods her head slowly.

“yeah…i don’t wanna be away from you both, i’m scared, but…my teachers, they think that school is amazing, what if i like it, too?”

“we don’t want you to miss out on something you might love, antoinette. not because you’re worried or scared of being away from us. we’ll always be here for you, no matter what, you know that.” brittany whispers into her hairline. antoinette sighs and clutches brittany’s shirt between her fingers, and it’s a long time before she finally exhales shakily against her mother and looks up at them both with her eyelids slowly beginning to droop with sleep.

“can you both come with me to tour the place? i know you have work, mami, and aunty rachel's show is so close to opening night, but-.”

“i can take a day off. absolutely, aunty rachel will understand. we’ll both be there, baby.” santana says immediately, smiling down at her daughter and pressing a kiss to her hairline. antoinette visibly relaxes, and her eyes begin to droop closed as she snuggles into both her mothers with a smile on her face.

“okay…goodnight. i love you.” she mumbles, prompting a laugh from santana as she looks up at brittany and once again wraps her arms around the both of them tightly.

“we love you too, baby.”

—

as it turns out, it’s not just santana and brittany that go with antoinette to tour the place. the entire fucking new york gang comes along. mercedes, rachel, kurt, blaine and quinn all join them, rachel somehow okay with the idea of abandoning hers and her husband, jesse st james's new broadway show in its week of opening to attend, clearly deciding they should have a say in the place as well, and brittany and santana don’t even have it in them to argue. the new york gang practically helped them raise her, it’s only fair.

santana starts to regret that deicsion twenty minutes into the two and a half hour carpool when rachel begins singing show tunes with kurt, and when antoinette joins along, santana has to force herself not to bang her head against the steering wheel in anguish.

the place is amazing, and santana and brittany both know they’ve lost when antoinette jumps around and drags them all around the place with this excited grin on her face that has them both smiling despite their sadness.

it’s clear antoinette loves the place from the second she steps inside, and even santana has to admit the place is spectacular. it’s a far cry from mckinley high in lima, ohio, and it almost reminds santana of dalton academy before it burned to the ground, a sentiment clearly shared with blaine, who immediately voices said opinion when they walk through the doors, and when the teacher informs them it’s an all girls school, santana finds herself approving of it even more.

it’s perfect, a place for antoinette to flourish academically and a place where no guys can distract her from her school work, and a place where she can make girlfriends that’ll likely stay with her forever, just like the glee club have with them.

and speaking of glee clubs…

“we have a number of extra curricular activities, including the badminton club and the glee club-.”

“oh she’ll be joining the glee club immediately once she’s allowed to!” rachel squeals, clapping her hands excitedly and looking down at antoinette with a beaming grin as the girl shrugs nonchalantly.

“can it, jewberry, she’ll do whatever she wants.” santana grumbles, unable to even form a good enough insult in her time of sadness. brittany takes her hand and squeezes it tightly with a sad smile, the both of them realizing that their daughter is about to make the first big decision of her life.

when the tour is over, rachel’s immediately gushing about how amazing the place is and is telling antoinette she _has_ to go to this school, and blaine is doing the same, the both of them acting like idiots, and all santana wants to do is punch them both in the face, something quinn, mercedes and kurt quickly notice as they grab the both of them with nervous chuckles.

“okay, i think we should give these three some space! santana, brittany, we’ll wait outside.” quinn says quickly, smiling sympathetically at santana and brittany as she steers rachel and blaine away from them and leads them outside. santana uncurls her left fist with a shaky exhale and looks to brittany, who purses her lips before she bends down until she’s eye level with their daughter.

“antoinette…this is a big decision. i know you love this place and i know there’s a number of opportunities that can come out of being at this school, and we want you to take those opportunities no matter what. but-.”

“if you’re scared about being so far away from us, then we understand if you don’t want to come here. we’ll support whatever decision you make.” santana says softly, falling down to her knees and gripping antoinette’s shoulders to give them a reassuring squeeze.

“i…i don’t know, i…i don’t want to be so far away from you, and this is gonna cost a lot, isn’t it?” antoinette croaks out, tears in her eyes as she looks up at the both of them just as they shake their heads furiously.

“money isn’t an issue, baby girl. it never will be, not when it comes to you, okay?” santana whispers, brushing her hair back from her face and smiling as antoinette sniffs sadly and nods once.

“but i have to stay here, don’t i? i have to leave home…i don’t wanna leave home.” her voice pitches higher, and santana knows she’s holding back tears, she’s holding back her own as brittany pulls antoinette into her arms and hugs her close with her own tears falling.

“oh honey…i know you’re scared, but our home is always going to be your home no matter what. and you can come back on the weekends, or we can even book a hotel room for two nights some weekends and come down here to see you…we can work something out, you know that.”

“the point is, you’ll be seeing us every week whether you like it or not, munchkin. and whenever you need us to come and visit, we will. we’ll drop everything for you, no hesitation.” santana reiterates, rubbing a palm up and down antoinette’s back and ignoring the pain in her calves from squatting, god she’s getting old-

“antoinette, we’re just gonna ask you this once. and if it’s what you want, then it’s done, okay?” brittany murmurs into her ear, pulling her back and looking into her brown eyes as antoinette exhales shakily and nods.

“okay.”

“do you want to come to this school?” brittany asks her softly. santana inhales sharply, but smiles encouragingly as antoinette swallows thickly-

and nods.

“yeah. i really do, i wanna come to this school, and i wanna make you and mami proud.” she whispers. santana lets her tears flow and simply pulls antoinette into her arms, pressing a kiss to her hairline as she does.

“oh baby, you already do every second of every day. we’re so, so proud of you. always and forever.” she whispers. antoinette clings to her, fingers fisting the back of her shirt as brittany pulls them both close with a soft sigh and a sniff. they stay cuddled, the three of them wrapped in each other’s embrace for a long time before the teacher who gave them the tour makes her way over to them with a sad smile of her own.

“so…what’s the verdict, mrs and mrs. lopez-pierce?” she asks, and santana stands and pulls antoinette to her body with a wide smile and a nod.

“get the papers ready. we want nothing more than for antoinette to flourish here.”

—

it becomes a routine, one that santana and brittany fall into happily and with complete ease. every weekend, they drive down to the town of riverdale to either pick their daughter up to bring her home the second the clock hits three o’clock on a friday afternoon, or to book a hotel room to stay in for two nights to spend time with their little girl who is blossoming into a young woman right before their very eyes.

a couple of months into antoinette attending the school, santana and brittany, during a weekend spent in riverdale with their daughter, come across antoinette’s roommate at the school, a girl named josie mccoy, who quickly becomes antoinette’s best friend as time goes by, and also informs the two mothers that everyone at the school calls antoinette ‘toni’, something that shocks them both and something that antoinette simply shrugs at when they ask her about it.

“‘antoinette’ is just so…preppy. a beautiful name!” she adds hastily when brittany’s face falls, “but still…makes me sound like a total snob. toni’s just cooler, more laid back.” she explains simply, and from that moment on, santana and brittany quickly find themselves adapting to the change, especially when they see how happy it makes their daughter when she hears them call her 'toni'.

they miss her terribly during the weekdays, and toni facetimes them every single night to say goodnight because she misses them just the same, but they adapt. they get the summer holidays and christmas time with her along with the weekends, and sure, they miss her just the same, but...they adapt. 

so, toni continues to get straight a’s, continues to exceed beyond expectations at _saint picken’s academy,_ and before santana knows it, three years have gone by and toni’s fifteenth birthday is spent at a place called _pop’s diner,_ a place they’ve been coming to every weekend they’ve spent here since toni first started attending the school with her best friend josie and two other friends, a girl named veronica lodge and another named betty cooper, joining them in their booth. santana is flipping through the photos from toni’s photography class with brittany closed in tight beside her, the both of them looking on in awe at what they’re witnessing.

the photos are _beautiful._ santana’s never seen anything like it before. there’s photos of the academy, photos of her friends, photos of the forest surrounding the academy-

“these are amazing, toni. absolutely stunning.” brittany croaks out, looking up at her daughter with a smile that has her grinning with a shrug.

“they’re alright, i guess. i love taking photos more than i do developing them, though.”

“you’re underselling yourself, toni. she’s just a fly on the wall lately, taking photos quietly, she’s totally in love with it!” josie says with a grin.

“yeah yeah, calm down.” toni says with a roll of her eyes, her head snapping up to look to the door of the diner when the bell above it jingles and two guys walk in, one with bright red hair and the other with his dark curls covered in a beanie. brittany looks at her suspiciously when she notices the look of disappointment on toni’s face, but doesn’t say anything as santana passes the photos back to her daughter with a grin.

“well, if you love it so much, i think you should focus on making a career out of it!” toni’s eyes widen as she looks at santana in complete shock.

“wait, really? you’d be okay with that?” she asks, looking between her parents in surprise.

“why wouldn’t we?” brittany asks, looking to her wife with confusion. toni shifts in her seat and looks at her friends before shrugging.

“i don’t know…i get straight a’s and i’m kind of super smart, i’d think you’d want me to become a doctor or something-.”

“toni, we want you to do what makes you _happy._ it’s all we could ever want, you know that. and sure, your abuelito would probably love for you to follow in his footsteps, but what he wants doesn't matter. _you_ do.” santana says firmly, smiling when toni exhales shakily and looks up at her with a wide grin.

“ugh, why can’t you two be my moms? my father keeps pressuring me to get a degree in business when i graduate.” veronica grumbles, sinking down into her seat with a grumpy look on her face as santana and brittany chuckle and toni points at veronica threateningly.

“hey, back off, they’re _my moms._ ” she teases.

“speaking of…toni’s never really told us the story of how…you know…you guys ended up with her.” betty says, looking a little anxious as she looks between the lopez-pierce family, and toni blinks rapidly in surprise before she looks up at her mothers with a look of almost fear.

“i…that’s-it’s…i’ve never really asked. they’re my moms, doesn’t matter where i came from.” she says quietly, her eyes falling down to her plate and causing brittany and santana to exchange a glance before brittany sighs and looks at toni’s friends with a smile.

“can we have a moment alone with our daughter, girls?” she asks softly. all of them immediately stand up, talking over each other as they scurry away.

“yeah, course-.”

“not a problem, we’ll go get uh, milkshakes-.”

“family matter, totally get it-.”

santana chuckles as the girls rush over to the front counter, glancing anxiously back at their friend with betty shooting an apologetic look to toni, and santana reaches over the table to grip toni’s hand that’s curled into a fist on top of the table.

“toni-.”

“don’t. i don’t wanna hear it. i already know the whole story.” toni says quietly.

santana’s jaw drops open.

“wh-what? h-how, who-.” brittany starts in a panic, and toni gives her a wry smile and shrugs.

“aunty rachel kind of let it slip-.”

“fucking rachel berry and that bird-like beak of hers! i’m gonna kill her!” santana growls, making to jump out of her seat and ready to march back to new york to rip out rachel’s hair from her scalp before brittany’s grabbing her hand and tugging her back down into her seat subconsciously, santana’s constant threats to rachel second nature to her now.

“mami, it’s fine! we were hanging out last christmas while you and momma were out shopping and she said that she’s glad you guys found me because you’ve given me such an incredible life and i’ve changed yours and when i asked her what she meant she…kind of started sobbing and begged me not to tell you she told me 'cause she knew you'd kill her. it was pathetic, really. but the point is, after she told me the story, i didn’t feel any different. i’ve always known you guys adopted me, i mean, it’s _obvious_ , but you never needed to tell me and it’s because _you’re my family._ you guys are my moms, you’re my family, and i don’t care how you found me or whatever happened before the second you guys took me into your home. i have no desire to find my birth mother and i never will because in my eyes, _you’re_ my _real_ moms. nothing’s gonna change that.” toni says it firmly, with no hesitation or anything, and santana somehow manages to keep her composure, but brittany?

she falls apart.

she’s sobbing, tears falling down her cheeks as she jumps up and grabs toni by the lapels of her leather jacket and pulls her into her embrace awkwardly. toni yelps in surprise, but hugs her back with a chuckle as santana blinks back tears and attempts to tug brittany back down weakly.

she knew the day would come that they'd have to tell toni the story of how they found her, and granted, she's still planning on giving rachel a fucking _earful_ when they get back to new york, but part of her...part of her is _relieved_ that she doesn't have to tell her. the idea of telling toni that her birth mother had abandoned her so harshly has been hurting her for so long, and now knowing that toni's actually known for quite some time now and hasn't changed in demeanor at all...

she means it. she means it with her whole heart that she sees brittany and santana as her real mothers, and fuck, santana's quite sure she's never felt a love like this before in her entire _life._

“we love you, we love you s-so much-.” brittany’s practically squealing into toni’s ear, and santana sees how her daughter looks down at her over her mother’s shoulder, a smile lighting up her face as she moves one hand rubbing brittany’s back to grip santana’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

“i love you too. so much more than i can put into words. and…there’s actually something i wanted to talk to you guys about.” toni pulls away suddenly, looking to brittany more than santana as she sinks back into her seat and lets out a shaky exhale. “i don’t really know why i’m nervous to tell you guys this, but…i’ve been noticing some things about myself while i’ve been at the school and outside it, and…” toni trails off, looking more scared than ever, and santana finds herself taking her daughter’s hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

whatever it is, it won’t change a goddamn thing.

“what, baby? whatever it is, we can handle it.” santana says simply, not even hesitating. toni smiles and licks her lips before she looks at both her mothers and says-

“i’m bisexual.” she says shakily.

it’s quiet for a few moments before-

“oh, san, she’s a unicorn!” brittany exclaims, looking to santana with the widest smile santana’s ever seen on her face in her life, and santana laughs loudly and shakes her head before pressing a kiss to brittany’s cheek.

“means a _totally_ different thing now then it did back in our day, britt-britt.” she teases, and brittany frowns, but looks to toni as santana chuckles and squeezes toni’s hand tightly. “and toni, i don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but are you sure? i’d hate for you to struggle with your sexuality like i did, and you know you can talk to us about _anything,_ especially that.”

toni crinkles her nose before she nods slowly.

“yeah, i’m pretty sure. i mean, i know i’m definitely attracted to guys, but i’ve just found myself kinda…appreciating women a lot, too. i mean, i was hesitant to smack a label on myself, but…it feels right, calling myself that. i don’t know, did it feel right for you, momma?” toni asks brittany, brow furrowed as santana looks to her wife with a smile.

“labels were always confusing to me, but yeah, i guess. i mean, i never really worried about gender, i always just cared about attraction, and when i fell in love with your mother, then i cared about feelings. but i don’t think there’s any _set_ way to be bisexual, sweetie, if you think that’s how you feel, then that’s what you are. we love you no matter what.” brittany says resolutely, as easily as if she’s solving another genius math problem, and toni smiles and ducks her head before she nods, clearly hiding the tears forming in her eyes as she clears her throat.

“right. thank you, i don’t know why i was so nervous-.”

“it’s a big thing to admit and a big thing to come to terms with, baby. but we’re here for you, and we love you, and we wanna help you through every hurdle life throws your way, okay?” santana says softly, and when toni looks up at her with those bright brown eyes shining with nothing but gratitude, santana feels nothing but elation and a sense of accomplishment.

accomplishment over being exactly the mother she planned to be.

“okay. now, i should probably invite my friends back over before they think we’re fighting or something stupid like that.” toni says with a chuckle, but santana immediately raises a hand to stop her.

“nuh uh, not just yet, first i wanna talk about sex and protection!”

“mami, no way!”

—

“pink!? of all colors?!”

santana’s voice is loud, but not berating, more just shocked as they stare at the ipad screen before them, stare at their daughter sporting bright pink fucking hair as she sheepishly smiles and shrugs.

“do you like it?” she asks shyly. brittany claps her hands excitedly while santana continues to just stare in shock.

“it looks amazing! it really suits you, sweetie! when did you decide to do this?” brittany asks, santana still staring with her mouth dropped open in awe.

“i don’t know, josie just decided it would be a good idea, and we were bored, so…mami, you’re being real quiet, you hate it, don’t you?” toni says with a sigh, prompting santana to quickly shake her head with a clear of her throat.

“no, it’s…you look beautiful, toni. you’d look beautiful no matter what color your hair is, i just…i wish we’d been there to help.” santana croaks out, smiling as best as she can, but something isn’t sitting right in her heart.

she remembers the first time she changed her hair color, the first time she decided to go blonde. it was freshman year, and her mother had been the one to take her to the salon. they’d sat there together, the both of them talking and laughing as the hairdresser applied foils to her hair, and it seems like such a silly thing to be upset over, but santana can’t help it.

it’s supposed to be a bonding moment between a mother and her daughter, going to get your nails done or your hair done or going shopping and it just feels like she’s missed out on something special for toni. sure, it’s just hair and changing its color isn’t really that big of a deal, but in a way it is.

“i just wish i’d been there.” santana says roughly, picking at the cotton strings on the throw down blanket over her and brittany as her wife takes her hand and gives it a squeeze.

tears well in her eyes, and toni looks at her in surprise before she smiles as best as she can.

“well, it’s gonna need maintenance, so…you can help me with that.” she says softly, and santana finds herself nodding and blinking away her tears quickly with a smile.

“yeah, that’s true. we just really miss you, bug.” she whispers. despite the bad quality of the stream, santana can still see how toni’s bottom lip quivers, because she knows her daughter, and she knows she’s about to cry, especially when toni clears her throat and begins playing with the cuffs of her sweater, avoiding eye contact with the camera.

“well, friday i don’t have any classes, miss holloway’s out sick, so…maybe i can come down thursday night and we can spend the rest of the week together?” she croaks out, peeking up at the camera before dropping her eyes back down, and santana smiles and clenches brittany’s hand with a nod.

“that sounds good, baby, you just let us know.”

“okay…i gotta go, lots of homework. bye momma, bye mami. i love you.” toni says, still avoiding eye contact with the camera as brittany sighs.

“we love you, too.” she whispers back, and toni ends the call abruptly as brittany rests the ipad on her lap and wraps an arm around santana’s shoulders to pull her in close, the dark haired woman resting her head on brittany’s shoulder sadly.

“i hate when she does that.”

“she doesn’t like us seeing her cry.”

“she doesn’t like us seeing her be emotional, period. she gets that from you.” brittany teases gruffly, poking at santana’s side and grinning when her wife slaps her hand away playfully.

“hey, i’ve gotten better at it!”

“sure, honey…sure.”

when toni arrives thursday evening with her duffel bag and a grin on her face as she throws herself into their arms, her mothers take her over to the couch and stay cuddled up with her for almost a full day, and toni doesn't complain once. 

—

toni’s doing it again.

santana doesn’t notice, because she’s never really been one to pick up on subtle things, but brittany notices because her wife is santana lopez and she spent her entire time in high school picking apart the subtle signs of love from her now wife back when she was a closeted lesbian struggling with her feelings.

like, for example, how santana's entire face would light up every time she walked into the room at mckinley, or how santana would roll her eyes every time brittany teased her, not out of annoyance, but affection, because the smile on her face was so bright, brittany's quite sure the alien beings on mars could see it.

so yeah, brittany knows the art of subtlety. 

and toni keeps looking up at the door expectantly every time the bell above it chimes and someone new enters, and brittany’s had to watch her face fall in disappointment three times now since they entered _pop’s diner_ over an hour ago.

“so, junior year! exciting stuff ahead, have they started grilling you about sat’s from now?” santana asks, stabbing at her salad and looking up at toni as brittany hears the door bell chime once more and toni’s eyes drift to the door before they widen in shock. brittany watches her daughter’s cheeks flush, watches as she glances back and forth from the door to santana before she clears her throat and smiles.

“uh, yeah! yeah, they have, doesn’t bother me though, i’m just gonna try my best like always, right?” she mutters quickly, her gaze following the sound of heels clicking against the tiles from behind them to the right of them from where brittany and santana are sitting in the booth. brittany tries to be as inconspicuous about it as possible, sips at her water and slowly sweeps her eyes around the diner as if she’s just taking in the scenery when her eyes land on a girl sitting at a booth wearing the uniform of toni’s school with a bunch of other girls also wearing the uniform. she has long red hair that cascades down her back in soft waves, full lips painted red and these brown eyes that also sweep the diner before they land on toni huddled in a booth with her two mothers.

brittany watches this girl’s brown eyes widen before she’s quickly averting her gaze, and only just manages to catch onto the conversation before santana addresses her.

“…i mean, your mother scored beyond perfectly, right, britt-britt?” santana says with a grin, and brittany hums under her breath and nods before looking at toni, who seems to be laser focused on her two mothers now, but brittany can see the tension in her shoulders. “but she still chose to be a dancer and then a dance teacher, and there’s nothing wrong with that. we want you to do what makes you happy, toni.”

toni smiles widely at those words, and despite her intrigue at the redhead across from them, she finds herself looking to toni sternly before she leans across the table to loosen a curl that’s stuck to the zipper of toni’s jacket.

“but that doesn’t mean you can slack off on your sat’s! perfect scores means more opportunities, we don't want you repeating senior year like i did.” she mutters.

“exactly! but you know we’ll be proud of you no matter what.” santana says firmly, nodding resolutely as toni chuckles and raises her hands in surrender.

“i know, comes with the territory of having the best moms ever.” she says with a grin. santana slams a palm on the table and looks at brittany gleefully.

“damn right we are! now, i’ll be back, bathroom.” santana ducks a kiss to brittany’s temple before she’s sliding out of the booth, does the same to toni and then makes her way to the bathroom. toni watches her go, eyes trailing over to the booth that brittany also finds herself looking at, eyes landing on the redhead once more to see her chatting animatedly with her friends.

the dots connect in her brain like a fucking math equation.

“hmmm…so it’s starting to make a little more sense now.”

“what is?” toni asks, sipping her soda and sinking back into her booth without taking her eyes off the redhead, and brittany chuckles and steals one of toni’s fries to get her attention. “hey!”

“you haven’t kept your eyes off that girl in the booth across the room from us since she got here.” brittany teases, tilting her head sideways to indicate to the girl, and immediately, toni’s cheeks flush red.

“i…no, it’s just-.”

“mmm, is that why you dyed your hair pink all those months ago, why you’ve kept it up since then? trying to get her attention?” brittany asks triumphantly, now stealing a lettuce leaf from santana’s bowl as toni chews on her bottom lip and looks at her mother in exasperation.

“ugh, how did you even-.”

“santana dyed her hair blonde in freshman year, and i remember telling her it looked amazing on her. she told me years later that she did it to get my attention, and it definitely worked. what’s her name?” brittany says with a massive smile. toni huffs and sinks back into her chair with a shake of her head. 

“her name’s cheryl. cheryl blossom. but i don’t even know if she likes the color pink, it was just the brightest color i could think of. something that would make me stand out from all the other robot bitches at that school.” toni grumbles, eyes focused on her food in front of her. brittany chuckles, and she glances over at the redhead, and is surprised to see her shooting furtive glances at toni when her daughter isn’t looking.

brittany can’t help the grin that spread across her voice, and she finds herself looking at her daughter before she nudges her hand gently.

“shoot your shot.”

“what?” toni says in surprise, eyes wide as brittany shrugs.

“ask her out. see how it goes. what do you have to lose?”

“a lot! my reputation at the school, for starter’s! she’s the most popular girl there, and it’s complicated-.”

“how so?” brittany interrupts. toni sighs and glances quickly around the diner for any eavesdroppers before she leans in closer to brittany in a hushed whisper.

“she’s…we had an assignment together earlier this year and, we were hanging out with each other a lot, and then last week she…she kissed me.” brittany’s eyes widen at that, and toni swallows thickly and shakes her head as she looks at her mother pleadingly. “and it’s just been weird ever since, she’s always avoiding me, and i think…i think it’s cause she’s not out yet. her parents, her family, they’re…not really good people. i think they’d have a problem with her being gay.”

brittany takes in her words for a few moments, and finds herself shocked at just how eerily similar this sounds to the situation of the girl currently in the bathroom not twenty feet away from them.

“santana was the most popular girl at school, and it took her years to come to terms with her sexuality and how she felt about me, but i knew since we were kids that we were soulmates. she just…speaks to me in a way no one else does. like our bodies only respond to each other, like our souls understand the other in a way no one else’s can.” brittany says firmly. toni swallows thickly and looks over at cheryl before she sighs and nods slowly.

“i feel that way about her.” she whispers. brittany finds herself smiling, and she takes her daughter’s hand and begins drawing comforting circles on the back of it gently.

“then be patient with her, toni. she’s gonna struggle, lord knows santana did, but it’s all gonna be worth it in the end. every day i spend with your mother is a dream come true, and it’s such a far cry from where she was in high school. she used to date guys to hide it, but i could always see the pain in her eyes. and look at her now! she’s happy, and she’s…perfect.” brittany says it almost dreamily, and she finds herself missing her wife despite spending the last two decades and a half with her by her side when she's only been gone for about three minutes.

“you really love her, huh?” toni says softly, smiling so happily as her mother giggles and simply shrugs.

“it isn’t even a question. i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving her, even long after we’re both gone. i’m pretty sure our souls will just find each other again, because we’re meant for each other in every lifetime.” she says with a smile. toni’s expression softens, and brittany taps the back of her hand once more as the telltale sign of santana’s clicking heels echoes out behind her.

“go for it, toni. if you think she’s worth all the pain and all the panic…go for it. it’s so worth it in the end, no matter how it ends.”

“hey lovebugs, what are we talking about?” santana asks cheerily, plopping down beside brittany and pressing a kiss to her cheek as brittany takes her hand a kisses the back of it tenderly.

“just schoolwork. missed you.”

“mmm, missed you, too.” santana says with a chuckle, and brittany leans in to kiss her properly, unaware of the red haired girl who looks at them longingly before her eyes fall on their pink haired daughter in front of them, eyes meeting and a shy smile shared between two kindred spirits as tightly fused together as theirs are.

—

“how could you not tell me about this!?”

santana is mad. pissed, and brittany can clearly see it. her arms are crossed and she has that pouty look on her lips and that cold gaze in her eyes that has rachel and quinn leaning back away from her from where they’re seated on the couch, two decades of friendship indicating to them that aunty snixx is definitely on the express train barreling towards them-

“it’s a new relationship, san, she didn’t want you to freak out!” brittany says simply, gazing down at the instagram post that started this mess in the first place. rachel, quinn and mercedes are over for a lunch date, and mercedes had been the one to check her instagram to find a photo recently uploaded to toni's page, one of toni and cheryl, arms wrapped around each other with bright smiles that had brittany saying ‘cute’ and rachel asking if that was toni’s _girlfriend_ that she kept talking about.

brittany’s seriously considering securing tape around rachel berry’s mouth permanently from now on.

“freak out!? i’m not freaking out about her dating a girl, britt-.”

“i know you aren’t-.”

“i’m freaking out about her going through the same crap i did when i came out in high school! remember josh coleman?!” santana barks angrily, pacing up and down as mercedes shakes her head and brittany shrugs.

“last i heard he replaced patches the homeless guy that used to sleep at the front of the library.” santana glares at her.

“not the point, _babe!_ ”

“then what is your point, santana?” brittany asks with exasperation. santana throws her arms up in the air with a scoff.

“my point is that if they’re in a relationship and haven’t plastered it all over social media, then that means they don’t want it to be common knowledge! remember how fucking horrible it was keeping our relationship secret, brittany? we _hated_ it, and i’ll be damned if my daughter is going to go through the same thing-.”

“cheryl’s not out to her parents yet.” brittany says quietly.

santana pauses, her whole body going stiff, and brittany can see the way her shoulders slump slightly as mercedes exchanges a glance with quinn and rachel, all three of the completely silent.

she can see it in her wife's eyes, the look of panic, the look of horror, and fuck, it's like she's seventeen all over again and brittany's watching her struggle with the idea of coming out, watching her cry and sob in her arms when the news of that campaign ad being leaked hit her ears in sue sylvester's office...

“she’s scared, just like you were, san. her parents aren’t the most accepting people and she’s scared. you can’t fault her for that.” brittany whispers. santana very visibly blinks back tears, swallows loudly before she looks up at brittany in anguish.

“britt…what i put you through those years i was so…so _mad_ and confused about my feelings, the things i said and did-.”

“i’d go through it all again to be standing here with you today as your wife. i have no regrets, santana lopez, and you know that.” brittany says firmly. santana whimpers, her hand automatically reaching out, seeking brittany’s desperately, and she takes it without hesitation.

“i don’t want toni to go through that pain.” santana cries softly. brittany coos and gently tucks her hair away from her neck to behind her ear tenderly.

“that’s not up to us, honey. all we can do is offer her a shoulder to cry on. but please, just take a second to realize how similar it all is, and where we stand now compared to where we stood back then.” brittany tells her.

"it is kind of creepy how it's worked out, santana. but that girl has a lot of love in her life, if this crashes and burns, she'll be okay, you know that." quinn says quietly.

"look at how happy you and brittany are, you can't tell me you don't want that for toni, too, santana. her getting even a fraction of the love you have for each other in her life is a blessing." rachel adds on with a sad smile. santana looks back at them with tears falling down her cheeks, and santana lets out a shaky sigh and looks to her wife sadly.

“not everyone gets the happy ending we did, britt-britt.” she croaks out. brittany smiles despite herself.

“yeah, we got lucky. but who’s to say she won’t be lucky, too?” she concludes. santana purses her lips, but nods and wipes away her tears before she looks to her friends surrounding her with a sad smile.

“yeah…guess she’s got some pretty kick-ass aunties to help her out too if we’re not enough.” she says roughly. quinn rolls her eyes but smiles, and rachel beams as mercedes scoffs and shakes her head once again.

“girl, you know good and goddamn well that you two are more than enough for that kid, but…if she should want some other shoulders to cry on, we’re there in a heartbeat. you know we love her like she's our own.”

—

toni’s nervous. more nervous than she thinks she’s ever been in her entire life, and she can’t stop fucking shaking, but it’s nothing compared to cheryl beside her.

cheryl’s impossibly more pale than toni’s ever seen her, and she keeps exhaling shakily as toni keeps rubbing gentle circles into the back of her hand under the table anxiously.

“babe, relax, please? my moms are gonna love you, i know they are.” toni murmurs. cheryl doesn’t say anything, just nods and licks her lips before she squeezes toni’s hand and quickly glances around the diner before she’s leaning in to press a quick kiss to toni’s cheek.

“don’t be sassy, don’t be rude…” cheryl murmurs under her breath, and toni finds herself chuckling as the bell above the door chimes-

and santana lopez-pierce and brittany lopez-pierce walk in.

toni’s breath catches in her throat, and cheryl lets out a small whimper as she grips the glass of her empty milkshake and squeezes it slightly in fear.

“deep breaths. everything’s gonna be fine.” toni mumbles, poking her side to get her to slide out of the booth and biting back a laugh when cheryl slaps her hand away playfully as she stands and practically drags toni out with her, their hands still clasped tightly together.

it’s almost eleven at night and the diner is practically empty, but toni still finds herself glancing around anxiously for cheryl’s sake more than anything. she’s surprised her mothers even agreed to come and meet them so late, but she’s been wanting this for months, ever since she and cheryl started secretly dating, and she's finally convinced cheryl that it's time to make it happen.

for her to meet her parents.

she just hopes cheryl can find comfort in the two women that come to a stop in front of them.

she should’ve known santana lopez would never let it go down that way.

“moms, this…is cheryl.”

the silence is almost deafening, and toni’s heart is pounding so goddamn loud in her ears, she’s quite sure she’s seconds away from her head exploding, because her mother is looking cheryl up and down with narrowed brown eyes, drinking her in with her arms crossed over her chest before they suddenly widen and she looks at brittany with a heavy sigh.

“great, our daughter is dating the female trouty mouth.”

“mom-.”

“the female _what_ now?” cheryl questions, looking to toni in confusion before santana clears her throat and steps forward with this smile on her face that causes toni to let out a loud groan because she knows what’s coming.

_lord, give me strength-_

“so…you’re the carrot top our baby hasn’t stopped telling us about, huh? i’ll admit, you’re beautiful and the pictures toni’s showed us don’t do you justice, but i’ve heard you’ve got a reputation around here for being a bit of a bitch-.”

“mom-.” toni interrupts loudly, only for santana to raise a hand to silence her.

“hang on, i’m not done! i’ve heard you’ve got a reputation around here for being a bit of a bitch, and granted, my own reputation back in lima, ohio as the hispanic lesbian who hid razorblades in her hair to cut people with who so much as looked at her wrong isn’t entirely true so i shouldn’t base my opinions on you off rumors, but here’s the rub, jessica rabbit. toni’s _our_ daughter, and we did not spend the last seventeen years of her life raising her for her to be treated like gum at the bottom of your six inch stiletto heels, so the bitchy attitude? it doesn’t come out to play when you’re with her, or else auntie snixx will be paying a visit.”

toni just facepalms, while brittany just nods in agreement with her wife, fingers interlacing with santana’s as cheryl looks at the two women before her in shock, trying her best to process what’s just happened.

“who’s auntie snixx?” she finds herself asking stupidly. santana’s smirk only widens while brittany lets out a sigh.

“she’s the one who keeps the razorblades in her hair.” she says simply. santana hums in agreement, and cheryl’s about to open her mouth to respond when some waiter steps between the two women to reach for their table where empty milkshake glasses are sitting-

“move it, hobbit!”

santana and cheryl stare at each other in surprise over the words they’ve just barked at the poor waiter, who scurries off with wide eyes while brittany and toni watch on in a mixture of amusement and horror respectfully, and toni suddenly groans and looks at her blonde haired mother in anguish.

“oh god, i’m really dating another version of mom, aren’t i?” she whispers. brittany simply hums as santana purses her lips and looks cheryl up and down once more before she looks at toni and nods, impressed.

“fine, i like her. she can stay, i guess. take a seat, cheryl, we have a lot to talk about!”

cheryl shares a simple panicked glance with toni, who simply smiles encouragingly as everyone slides into the booth, unable to stop the sigh of relief that leaves her when she sees the smile in her mother’s brown eyes.

they’re okay…it’ll all be okay.

—

it’s toni’s senior year.

every time santana or brittany even think about it, the feelings of pure happiness mixed with sadness overwhelm them. to have this child they’ve spent almost eighteen years raising be on the cusp of leaving high school…

santana can barely remember how she felt leaving high school. she remembers feeling lost, feeling like she had no idea where her life was going to go, but as long as brittany stayed in it, she'd be fine. and sure, they went through a rocky part of their relationship, breakups over stupid things and a brief period without each other before finally reconciling, but brittany has always been her constant. but she had felt lost, and hadn’t really felt like she’d found her footing until she moved to new york and lived with kurt and rachel.

even then part of her was lost, struggling to find herself and her calling until she had gotten her first job choreographing and writing music for broadway. being married to brittany and being here in new york with her, it’s everything she’s ever dreamed of having, and toni just completed the whole fucking picture, the whole dream. the white picket fence, the perfect family…

she’s so happy. but also so sad…the idea of toni feeling as lost and as scared as she did after high school terrifies her, but she knows toni knows that they have her back. no matter what.

and it’s crazy how that feeling eventually extends to toni’s girlfriend.

because, on a cold tuesday night in december, only two weeks away from christmas with brittany and santana curled up on the couch watching a show on netflix they’ve barely been paying attention to because brittany’s been giggling and tugging on the little grey streaks starting to form in santana’s hair while her wife complained and whined that it’s _impossible_ that she’s already getting streaks of grey, they hear a loud pounding on the door.

a pounding that has a frenetic energy to it that has the smiles wiping off their faces as santana throws the blanket off her body and jumps up to rush towards the door.

“rachel, if you’re about to complain about that idiot director saying you’re getting too old for broadway again, i’m-.”

santana cuts herself off as she fully opens the door and takes in the sight of her daughter standing before her with a pleading look in her eyes and her arms wrapped around a shivering, tear stricken cheryl blossom, who looks up at santana with a sniffle and red, puffy eyes.

“what happened?” santana demands immediately, stepping aside and wrapping an arm around cheryl’s shoulders to lead her into the apartment as toni sighs and clutches cheryl’s hand into her own.

“babe…” toni whispers, looking up at her girlfriend as if asking for permission, and cheryl bites down on her trembling bottom lip before she sniffs and looks up at santana and brittany, who makes her way over to them with an anxious look on her face.

“i c-came out to my p-parents, and…” she trails off, her face screwing up with pain before her chest is heaving with broken sobs, and santana immediately pulls cheryl into her embrace, one hand cradling the back of her neck and giving it a gentle squeeze while the other hand rubs gentle circles into her back.

“shh, it’s okay…shh…” she coos softly, looking over cheryl’s shoulder at brittany and toni with a mixture of anguish and anger blazing in her brown eyes. santana’s lips are pursed, like she’s contemplating driving straight to riverdale to give cheryl’s parents a piece of her mind, and she looks at brittany before nodding towards toni, this silent communication happening between them that has brittany reaching out to grip toni’s shoulder gently.

“are you okay, bubba?” she asks softly. toni chews on the inside of her cheek and nods slowly.

“yeah…i wasn’t there, cheryl just showed up in my dorm crying, and i didn’t even hesitate, i just grabbed her hand and our coats and told her to come with me. we got straight on the train here, i didn’t know where else to take her but i knew she couldn’t stay there-.” toni’s starting to break, her voice starting to shake and brittany simply pulls her close and presses a kiss to her forehead, and toni wraps her arms around brittany’s waist and buries her face into her mother’s chest with a shaky sigh.

brittany looks to santana over toni’s head, and again, that silent communication that comes with two and a half decades spent side by side happens between them like magic. brittany grips toni’s hands in her own before she ducks down to whisper into her ear.

“let santana talk to her, honey. come on, let’s set up your old room for you two, we’ll call the school in the morning and explain the situation.” toni nods slowly, and gazes at cheryl’s back sadly before she lets brittany lead her away towards her room.

santana simply lets cheryl grip the back of her shirt between her fingers tightly as she cries into santana’s shoulder, and it’s almost a full twenty minutes before cheryl finally detaches herself from santana, her face red with anguish. santana smiles sadly and brushes her tears away with the back of her hand before she leads her over to the couch and sits her down on it.

“stay here, i’ll get you some water.” she murmurs, brushing cheryl’s hair back from her face and tucking it behind her back as cheryl simply nods once.

“thank you.” she croaks out, her voice small as santana sighs and quickly makes her way to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. when she returns, cheryl’s hugging her knees to her chest, eyes squeezed shut until santana drops the glass of water onto the table in front of her. santana takes a seat beside her and reaches a hand out to begin stroking her hair gently, and cheryl takes a shuddering breath in as she stares straight ahead with her eyes filled with despair.

“i d-didn’t want to keep toni in the shadows anymore. i wanted to be out and proud, i w-wanted…i wanted to be able to h-hold her hand at pop’s and kiss her without fear, and i knew the only way to do that was to come out to my p-parents-.”

halfway through her sentence, cheryl tucks a lock of hair behind her right ear, and santana sees it.

she thought her cheeks were just puffy from crying, but now she can see the slight blue beginning to creep upunderneath her pale skin, can see how it’s slightly raised and reddened and scratched-

they hurt her.

santana contains her anger in her left hand, curling it into a fist before she exhales through her nose and shuffles in closer to the girl to press the cold fingers of her right hand to the back of the welt on her cheek. cheryl shivers slightly at her touch, and she looks at santana with panicked eyes.

“toni hasn’t seen it yet.” she whispers so quietly, santana barely hears her. santana purses her lips, and cheryl’s bottom lip trembles before she lets out a soft whimper. “please don’t tell her. she’s so protective over me, i don’t want her to do anything rash-.”

“you’re gonna have to convince me not to do anything rash, i’m tempted to get in my car right now and head straight to riverdale to return the favor.” santana hisses. cheryl gives her a wry smile as more tears well in her eyes.

“auntie snixx, huh?”

“she keeps those razorblades in her hair for a reason.” santana says simply. cheryl chuckles, but it quickly fades as she lets out a shaky sigh before she looks up at santana despairingly.

“i c-can’t go back there. my twin brother jason tried to call me back, but i just-.”

“you don’t have to. you’ll stay here with me and brittany, the both of you, this was your last week of school anyway before the holidays so…” santana says softly with a smile, brushing cheryl’s hair away from her face again with an encouraging smile, and cheryl quickly shakes her head.

“you don’t have to do that-.”

“we want to. cheryl…" santana trails off slightly before she lets out a shaky breath and just...talks. "when i came out to my parents, they accepted me with open arms, but my grandmother, she cut me off. disowned me, didn’t talk to me for three years. told me to get the hell out of her house and never come back. so i know the pain that you’re going through, and i want you to know that toni is going to be here for you no matter what.” santana says firmly, taking the redhead’s hand into her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. cheryl nods slowly, but more tears fall down her cheeks as her head drops down to rest on top of her knees.

“i d-don’t want to be a burden-.”

“you’re not. trust me, you’re not, for years, i thought i was burdening brittany with all of my _crap,_ but she’s spent the last twenty years we’ve spent together telling me time and time again that she’d go through it all again just to be where we are right now. together, _happy._ and if toni is anything like her mother, i know she’ll do the same for you. so don’t run away from that, from _her._ lean on her for support, because she’s got you, okay? and so do we.” santana tells her softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into her embrace as cheryl completely breaks down into sobs and buries her head back into santana’s shoulder. 

santana sighs and looks up just as the door to toni’s room opens and her and brittany exit, the both of them looking at the couch where cheryl is huddled in santana’s arms, her whole body shaking with loud sobs while the older woman comforts her as best as she can. toni immediately makes her way over to them, tears quickly falling, and santana nods and pulls cheryl further into her to allow toni to sit down behind her before she’s quickly pushing cheryl into toni’s embrace.

toni takes her gently, pulls her into her lap and lets cheryl curl up against her body with her head buried into toni’s neck while her cheek rests on cheryl’s forehead. brittany sighs as santana stands and quickly pulls her close, nuzzling into her as they both try their best not to cry at the sight before them.

it's all so similar, and all so much more heartbreaking to see it happen to someone else...

“they’re staying here with us. we’ll call the school in the morning and let them know we pulled them out early to spend the holidays with us.” santana murmurs. brittany simply nods in agreement and presses a kiss to santana’s temple lovingly.

“okay. toni told me that’d be a good idea. cheryl’s over eighteen so she doesn’t need her parents permission to leave early, which is good. we don’t need to deal with that.” she whispers against her skin. santana grits her teeth and clenches her jaw, that anger resurfacing before she can stop it.

“good, because if i ever meet them-.”

“i know, san, shhh…” brittany sighs, calming her down with a simple touch of her hand running down santana’s arm, and the woman just relaxes into her embrace, grief gripping her at just everything happening before her.

it’s like high school and facing her abuela’s rejection all over again…

“we have to make this the best christmas ever for them, britt-britt.” santana whispers after a while, and brittany simply smiles and holds her close before she nods against her slowly.

“we will, san. the best christmas ever.”

—

it is the best christmas ever.

truly, santana and brittany put a lot of effort into doing so, but it’s hardly needed. cheryl perks up after spending a few days curled up in toni’s bed, crying all the tears she possibly can over losing her family, and everyone gives her the space to do so at santana’s request.

but eventually, she emerges, blanket wrapped around her and with a smile at the sight of toni squealing with laughter at brittany flicking whipped cream onto her nose from the hot chocolates they’re making, and it becomes apparent to her that this is the family she’d rather focus on this christmas.

she spends a lot of time with santana, no words said between them, just this similar energy of shared pain bouncing off each other that cheryl takes comfort in, because santana knows what she's feeling: she's felt it, too. but they still put on their best smiles for their two girls, and whenever cheryl needs strength and wants to give toni a break from her clinginess, she takes santana's hand, and the older woman squeezes it reassuringly without a word, knowing exactly what it is she needs.

they go christmas tree shopping together and make gingerbread cookies that brittany forgets about until they burn in the oven, and they watch christmas movies and play board games and share so much laughter, it seems impossible that sadness will ever grip them again. santana and brittany leave the girls alone for a few hours and go christmas shopping, and buy cheryl a comfy sweater and earrings and buy toni a beautiful bracelet with a little rainbow heart dangling from it, along with a sweater of her own that’s similar to cheryl’s so they’re kind of matching to make up for the present rachel will most definitely be likely giving them both this year because she's given it to toni every christmas for the last seventeen years: a signed photo of herself. 

it’s the perfect christmas.

and it’s many, many years in the future before their perfect christmas is rivaled by a more perfect one.

“i like the grey streaks.”

brittany giggles into the back of santana’s shoulder blades as her wife grumbles and squeezes the dye bottle over the grey patch with an angry huff.

“i’m sure you do, babe, but no way am i keeping them! i refuse to show any signs of aging, thank you.” she says stiffly, rubbing the dye in with a gloved hand as brittany rolls her eyes and moves over to their bed where lord tubbington the third is purring at the way she scratches behind his ears.

“i found a grey hair a couple weeks ago, i just plucked it out.” she says with a shrug. santana glares at her in the mirror.

“if i did that i wouldn’t have any hair left, britt-britt.”

“you’d look hot bald.” brittany says with a grin. santana chuckles and shakes her head as she finishes massaging the dye all over her hair before she sets the timer for thirty minutes on her phone.

“what time is everyone getting here?”

“quinn said she’s on her way with jackson and the kids, they should be here soon, and rachel and jesse left their bubbas with her dads, so they’ll be here after they drop them off. kurt and blaine might be a little late, burt junior has to drop of christmas presents to his teachers-.”

“suck up.” santana interrupts with a mutter.

“and mercedes and sam are on their way, i’m so glad they’re finally back on, it’s been way too long.” brittany finishes with a wide grin that santana quickly returns.

“right? i got a message from mr. schue and miss pillsbury, they said merry christmas, and mike and tina earlier saying they’re sorry they can’t make it, same with artie-.”

“it’s okay, we’ll get next christmas with them.” brittany says cheerfully, rushing over to santana and pressing a kiss to her cheek before her eyes are suddenly widening and she’s scurrying out of the room quickly.

“where’s the fire?!” santana yells out in confusion.

“in the kitchen if i don’t get this chicken out!” brittany calls back.

“remember when you almost sacrificed a chicken before our wedding because you wanted to combat the superstition of me seeing you in your dress?” santana shouts with a laugh, grinning when brittany grunts loudly.

“yeah and you wouldn’t let me!”

“we didn’t need it! still going strong twenty seven years later, babe!” brittany just cheers, and santana’s laugh grows louder before her phone begins ringing loudly, and she finds her heart exploding with happiness at the name at the top of her phone, answering it with joy.

“hi honey!”

“hi, mami! we’re on our way, we’ll be there in half an hour, we just met with the cake decorator, she said they’re all set for our date!” toni says it with such excitement, santana finds herself beaming as she simply nods once.

“that’s fine, we’re not really ready yet anyway! you and cheryl are welcome whenever, you know that!” she says almost scoldingly, and toni chuckles as cheryl speaks up.

“then we’ll be there as soon as possible! can’t wait to see you!”

“can’t wait to see you too, sweetie! drive safe!”

everyone arrives practically the second santana is done with her hair and makeup, no grey hairs in sight, much to her approval, and when toni and cheryl walk through the door, santana pulls them into a warm hug that’s quickly cut short by rachel berry squealing and pulling them into her embrace as quinn laughs at the expression on santana’s face.

“we haven’t seen you in so long, we’ve missed you! oh, the hair isn’t pink anymore!” she exclaims, touching the blonde highlights throughout toni’s hair as she giggles with a shrug.

“i decided it was time. getting too old for it.”

“your mother dyed her hair a couple hours ago, there’s no age limit on dying your hair, bubba!” brittany says with a grin, ignoring the way santana glares at her from across the room and points a finger at her threateningly.

“hiding those greys, huh, lopez?” mercedes says with a laugh, poking at the back of santana’s head which results in her slapping her hand away angrily.

“watch it, wheezy!” she snaps.

“grey hair is sexy, santana!” sam says with a grin, pointing at his own grey streaks that have santana smirking at him as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“yeah easy for you to say, those big fish lips distract from the mess on your head, trouty mouth.” she says with a fake grin, and sam rolls his eyes as santana hears cheryl gasp behind her.

“ah, so _that’s_ the origins of trouty mouth…”

it’s later, after they’ve all had dinner, when they’re all swapping stories and when toni decides to jump up and reach for the many vinyl records in the bookcase in the living room, that something completely amazing occurs.

“oh wow, now _this_ is a classic!”

santana doesn’t know what toni’s picked out until she’s placing it on the old, dusty record player they have sitting on top of the bookcase, but the second she hears those first guitar notes, she feels her heart completely and utterly _melt._

rachel squeals annoyingly, mercedes laughs, and quinn looks at santana with a soft smile as she looks to her left, where her wife grins and grips her hand before pressing a kiss to the back of it tenderly.

“what, am i missing something?” toni asks in confusion, taking her seat back beside cheryl and slowly sinking into it with wide eyes as santana chuckles and looks to brittany with a warm smile.

“i sang this song to your mother in glee club as a way of telling her how i felt about her.” she croaks out, closing her eyes and simply enjoying the soft crooning of stevie nicks before she eventually sings along to it softly under her breath, eyes opening to meet brittany’s soft blue ones with nothing but affection.

“ _oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? can the child within my heart rise above?_ ” brittany giggles and presses a kiss to santana’s knuckles, and santana jumps up from her seat and makes her way around to where toni and cheryl are seated, the engagement ring on cheryl’s left finger sparkling and shining underneath the bright light of the chandelier hanging above them.

“ _can i sail through the changin’ ocean tides? can i handle the seasons of my life?_ ” santana sings, smiling as toni takes cheryl’s hand with all the love in the world written on her face as she looks to cheryl before her gaze moves over to her mother, who comes to a stop in front of her.

“ _well i’ve been afraid of changin’, cause i’ve built my life around you. but time makes you bolder, children get older and i’m getting older, too._ ” santana blinks back tears as she ducks down and presses a kiss to toni’s head before also pressing a kiss to cheryl’s, and she makes her way around the table to all her friends, her glee club, the ones who have stuck by her side no matter what, and nothing but warmth and love fills her heart, even as she hugs rachel from behind with one arm and wraps the other around Quinn tightly as she keeps singing, grinning as they sing along with her. she brushes her fingers underneath mercedes's nose and laughs when mercedes slaps her arm, and she ruffles sam's hair and kisses kurt's, straightens blaine's bowtie with a grin, taking all of them in with such gratitude, she's about to burst.

by the end of the song, santana’s sitting right back beside the love of her life, remembering all those years ago when she sung this exact song to this girl with nothing but fear radiating throughout her, with nothing but anxiety and anger at the world for dealing her the hand it dealt her.

it’s after all these years that she realizes just how good that hand was.

“ _the landslide will bring you…down._ ” santana finishes the song as softly as possible, looking into the eyes of the woman who changed _everything_ for her, and brittany’s eyes are shining as she smiles and leans in to press a kiss to santana’s lips as tenderly as possible. everyone around the table claps and cheers, and santana simply laughs against her wife and pecks another kiss to her lips before-

“i love you so much.”

“i love you more.” brittany murmurs back, and before santana can even say that that’s simply impossible, toni’s voice breaks through her thoughts.

“so like…is that what you guys did in glee club? just break out into song randomly for no reason?” she asks blankly. the entire table is silent before-

“yeah, pretty much.” mercedes grunts out, and as the laughter explodes across the table before they’re all making a toast, santana finds herself looking around the room at her family with nothing but pride and happiness, brittany’s hand warm in hers, and toni’s eyes filled with love as they look at her.

yeah…she thinks she did pretty good.


End file.
